CoNfessiON fRoM bEneAth diS tINy hEaRT..

As usual,ive finished my final xm for the 2nd year in faculty of dentistry when i start blogging again..it was tough..really tough..alhamdulillah i still have those words that provide me the strength n comfortness..

“Allah syg pd hambaNya yg bertawakal kepadaNya setelah berusaha”

“mama terima apa jak keputusan eza,tp mama hrp eza jgn pts asa.mama percaya eza ble buat”

“jz stay a while longer,lps ni kta jln2 tokyo ok?”

“its ok,things will be jz fine..jz jgn pts2 doa k?”

apa2pun,ive tried my best..mayb x terlalu gigih,but i trust Him..He knows wats good for me..n friends too..amiin..im having my cuti2 mesir for dis few weeks until the result is out..then ill decide when should i be coming home..hm,i wish i could jz fly immediately now,going home..to be with mama n babah..i miss them desperately..they might feel the same ways too..mama n babah are in kk now..mama went for her medical check-up as usual..kesian mama,eza x jd doctor badan la mama..xble tlg mama..huhu..tp ill pray for u everyday,dats for sure..be strong k mama?to babah,happy father’s day..u might not be the greatest one,but im thankful to have u..without u,i wouldnt be here..babah loves to manjakan us with food,especially me..no wonder uve a cute+tembam+sht daughter kan?hehe..miss u babah..=( tk care of mama k?ill be back insyaallah..cant wait to be home..it is tough staying here,far from the family but experience teaches me about life..once u fall,u woudnt fall all the time..believe in urself,n have faith to the creator..He might not fulfill ur wish because He has the best thing for u ahead..go on with the life,coz u might not want to miss out something good in front of u..

It has been a while since i last updated my blog..aiyoo,berdebu+berhabuk da..hehe..ive juz finished my mid year exam(not exactly finish all the exam actually,still have my darling anatomy,histolgy n biochemistry after the winter break..u came so late my dear..huhu) im not sure whether i should be relieved after wat ive done during the exam(quite last minute preparation i guess)tawakal jak la..my upper lateral incisor was a bit smaller than it is supposed to be(gigi bdk kecik kot,but i didnt make a dinasour’s/gg arnab k??)as usual,dentistry students finish their exam earlier than medical students(nk ikot izzah blk msia for 1 month..huhu)yaa,we did finish our exam but we still have lectures to attend..doctor2 yg sgt rajin,plz give us some break..ive spent my few days before exam with totally disaster life..tdo tertonggang terbalik,lachrymal gland jgn ckpla,sentiasa terstimulate..im grateful ive my very supportive loving mama yg non-stop support me although she is always busy but still have time for ur tiny little princess ni..thanks mama..plus those around me..supportive words,messages..glad to know you guys..dentistry isnt that easy as we might see..ya,mmgla less reading n memorizing compared to medical students..but somehow makes me feel n think twice for my own decission earlier,am i destined to be a dentistry student?im not sure but im praying hard that this is the best pathway that Allah has given me..He has got all the answers for my doubtness,im sure..Ya Allah,give us the strength..please lead my way..obstacles come n go until i feel like giving up tp mama salu pesan”mama x putus asa pn,napa eza kn pts asa?”ooohh,im missing my mum badly right now..if ive wings,ill come to u mama..i miss all my family..my mum,dad n abg in labuan,bb in tokyo..rindu the last raya we had together..mkn in each houses we visited smpi nk muntah2..haha..im glad to have u abg n bb=)my abg getting married insyaallah next yr since bb xdpt blk dis yr,bz with his final yr research(mau pg tokyo dis summer ble??wink2)dis coming winter break,im gonna spend my time with housemates tersyg to alexandria..tp xety g luxor..huhu..nk main theme park,kayuh basikal tepi pantai..gnna be fun!looking forward to be there..huhu..”aimi,jaja,ad,lina..buat exam elok2 eh?sya ngn chubby tgu korg ni..”they are my 2nd family here,we share everything together..share mkn,minum..share katil lg kan lina??hehe..cant wait to hang out with them..wait till i upload the pictures of us soon,meshy??

ohoho,here i come again..=)im HOME!!it really feel great to be home since about 1 year "trapped" in mansurah..huhu..i reached kl on the 1st of july..not like my other dentistry friends,i was fetched by my beloved friend,azlaily(wpn awk kata sya boring azlaily..huhu)ive to spend 1 night at the hotel until my brother came to kl n i stayed with him the next day..i felt a bit strange since my surrounding is no more egyptian,no honking here n there..the most important thing is,the time is different..honestly,i really cant adapt for about a week..i only sleep at 3 o’clock malaysia time..my lunch time n dinner time has changed too..my brother got shocked when he kept hearing me saying "bang,lapar la.."he was wondering "perut apa ntah adik aku ni,baru jak lps mkn da lpr" haha..luckily ive him to spend me food..nak2 malaysian food,totally nyummyyy la…hehe..on the 4th,we flew back to labuan.."welcome home,eza!!"i could see labuan town from the window..at the airport,my mum n dad were waiting for me..sooo happy to see them(lps da rindu..hehe)labuan-a tiny island,with few shopping complexes,nothing soo interesting here..EXCEPT the food n the serenity here..food lg..!haha..im mama’s ank manja,let’s MANJA me with food again..haha..i really cant deny that i really love mum’s n my bro’s cooking(not that i cant cook,ok??im a good chef la..trust me..=))eat,eat n eat..tembam da ank mama ni..huhu.."ifa,ajak!!jom pg botanical garden..we should jog!!"last weekend,me n my mum n dad went to kk jln2..it was awesome since da sebln terperuk n bertapa in labuan,i finally got the chance to travel sumwhere..shopping sket2=p i went to 1borneo,the new shopping complex in kk..quite similar to mid valley(the shops inside i guess)bought few shirts n sweater with my mum(she must always by my side since she’s my menteri kewangan..haha..dun blame me la,mama loves to shop too=p)nothing much suits u better than your own country,dun u?ive 2months left here until i go back to mansurah on the 5th of october..im glad since ive passed my examination n it’s time for me n my family to spend our time together..in a few days time left,my 2nd bro will be home..it will be gorgeous!let us see wat’s going to happen when the three siblings meet…….

iit was quite a long time since i updated my blog..i was quite busy with my exam n xtra classes dat we had to attend..alhamdulillah jz finished all the examination n now still waiting for the result..hoping the very best from Allah swt since ive worked hard on it,so jz tawakal after dis..Ya Allah,bantula hambamu ini ya Allah..my feeling right now:insecure,clueless,impatient..impatient for wat?blk msia?why should i suddenly feel like not going back to msia even though i miss my mum so much?wat is it all about?ya2,im going home..guess i jz cant think wisely at this moment..red eyes,blocked nose..listening to the song sent by bb-SEAMO:mother..see bb,ur ‘magical’ song makes me cry pagi2 buta..huhu..missing mama la ni..aiyokk..i admit dat im such a truly,badly,deeply manja..easily broke into tears..but after da pnt crying,ill stop n the mood will rotate 360degrees–feeling much better..sumtimes,ice-cream can make me feel better too..b4 dis(in msia),i used to love chocolate flavour ice-cream..but since i came here,i hardly choose which flavour i love the most..strawberry flavour,mango,lemon..ill jz pick up each flavour n mix them up..does it mean ive changed to sum1 dat is indecissive?hmm..i only hope for the best in life..b anak yg solehah,a gd sis to my brothers n a world best dentist in the future,insyaallah..wat i should do right now,put all the strength,change to a better person each day..although i cant do it all at once,step by step shouldnt b any problem even though it might consume so much time..as long as we reach the peak of the mountain..sum1 had told me"kta kena salu berubah jd org yg lbh baik"..baik from which angle?dia ckp"dr segi akhlak n penampilan"ok,i cant be perfect but i still know wat i should n shouldnt do..dia plak ckp"jz because u see urself as the worst doesnt mean everyone sees u dat way"..i know it sounds compicated..em,not dat the phrase is hard to understand,actually this entry is quite confusing i guess..well,this shows how compicated my mind is right now…….

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,FAIREZA!!Ure no more a 18-year-old girl..ure 19!!wake up!!it was 14th of feb when all the pre-dentistry students had to sit for zoology exam dat morning..it was extremely cold in the morning,with heavy rain pouring on the earth..i woke up at 5am and did my prayer..i fell asleep after that n managed to wake up at 6.30am when ive to rush myself to the bathroom to take my bath..the exam was at 8am so ive to be prepared earlier coz it takes us 30minutes to reach our "kuliah ulum(faculty of science)"..it was still raining out there so we decided to take a cab..after an hour mind-twisted examination,we decided to go home as the next revision class for practical zoology would b at 12pm..the windy weather made us shivering..*ggrrreee* when the watch showed 11.45am,me and chubby should have to go back to the faculty..haihh,kinda tiring actually..we took the cab cz the weather still didnt show any good sign..the cab had to stop us in front of the main gate so we had to walk into the faculty..unfortunately the rain started to fall heavily and for sure u can imagine our condition at the moment..me,chubby n hannah had to run along the road as no shelter is provided along the road to our faculty..our clothings were wet..with courageous to enter the class,all the egyptian students were staring at us..our valentine’s day was totally disaster(even though im not celebrating it)at home,it was my turn to prepare dinner..me n chubby decided to cook curry fish for our housemates..alhamdulillah,we managed to finish them..mayb it wasnt dat delicious like u guys used to eat at mamak stall..sorry jaja,ime,ad,xety n lina..at 6pm(12am in msia),i got many msgs from my frenz wishing me happy bithday..so glad dat they still remember me..dat night,i was lying on bed with nothing to do until i fall asleep..(although ngntk sgt,i still wait for my cousin-abg mirul to wish me 1st before he went to sleep as he refused to sleep until he wished me birthday..thanks la ah abg mirul?=))after dat,i went to sleep..no longer i sleep,suddenly chubby came to my room with jaja,ime,lina,xety n ad while singing birthday song..jaja was holding a chocolate cake,chubby’s hands holding a card,ad with a bunch of flowers n ime with a "mr bee" bear..i was totally surprise dat i was speechless until they asked me to blow out the candles..we then gathered at the living room while singing n laughing the whole night(not at night actually,it was 3am in the morning)i was so happy coz i never expected to be treated dis good..they are so kind n make me happy until i cry..the hugging session occurs among us n they keep on mentioning to me not to cry like i used to do before cz im no longer a small girl..ya,ive to prove dat to them..the tears jz nw was the happiness tears ok?eza xnk nngs2 dah..=)to all my housemates,thanks for being supportive n care for me sooo much..u guys are great!love u guys!n to my family n friends in msia,thanks for the birthday wishes n i miss u guys lots!today im the happiest person in the world(i guess)=p

Many nights we pray
With no proof anyone could hear
And our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know there’s much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we know we could

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It’s hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away
And now I am standing here
My heart’s so full I can’t explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I’d say

There can be miracles
When you believe (When you believe)
Though hope is frail
It’s hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve (You can achieve)
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

They don’t always happen when you ask
And it’s easy to give in to your fear
But when you’re blinded by your pain
Can’t see your way safe through the rain
Thought of a still resilient voice
Says love is very near

There can be miracles (miracles)
When you believe (When you believe)
Though hope is frail
It’s hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve (You can achieve)
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe
You will when you believe
You will when you believe
Just believe
You will when you believe

artist-mariah carey ft whitney houston

Have u heard of dis song before?dis is one of my mum’s favourite songs as she would raise up the volume whenever it is played on the radio or from the cd which ive burnt for her..she enjoys dis song so much cz she will sing along while she’s driving the car..looking back at the lyric itself,every single phrases give their own meaning and their own ways of expressing how complicated dis life could be..music plays an important role in our lives..without music,my life seems so empty..dats wat i feel,mayb some might not agree with me..it’s ok,different people will have different ways of thinking rite?i wake up in the morning,after solat subuh ill stop myself from getting on bed again..apart from doing some works,ill listen to the music from the i-pod bought by my two beloved brothers(thanks abg n bb)..even though i keep on listening to the same songs over and over again,they still give me great impacts in my life..i learn to be more independant and stronger than before..especially when it comes to complications in life,i wont give up easily like before..cz when u feel like ure stucked with nowhere to run,jz remember dat it isnt the end of ur life..there are lots of people out there having the same fate,some might be worsen..so there’s no point blaming other people or the creator(Allah s.w.t) for all those misfortune that ure facing at the moment..wat u have to do is to stand up and dun ever look back regretting the past..only when u believe dat life isnt dat bad as we might think,u may change the world..with some care,love and patience,nothing can turn u down..

hmm,really missing my mum rite now.."mama,wait for me..ill be back.."may u get all the happiness and joyful in life..eza,bb and abg will be praying for u..endless love for u..*hugs*

"everyone deserves smile from u..with a simple smile,u can change everything around u"a new day,new year with more ‘new’ complications in lives we have to encounter with..from mistakes u learn to stand on ur own feet..u become wiser n mature to think of wat aheads u..but still u need some guidance to ensure dat ure at the right pathway..everyone makes silly mistakes..of course im one of them,no exception..but would u b given a second chance to "remove" those black experience n build a "brand new" u?some people might keep mentioning mistakes dat uve made before,seems like they’re "praying" for u to repeat them over n over again..thanks for being KIND dude!family n friends play different roles in one’s life..we might jz say that love to ur family is the main idea here but friends shouldnt b neglected too..friends would never let u fall..n a REAL friend is wat u need n search for..would u dare living in dis world with no one to accompany u?pity u for being alone!i love all my friends..friends can spend sum time for u n why dun we show them even jz a bit of love?im sorry mama,babah,abg n bb cz u have to share part of my concern n care with my friends..i shouldnt easily jz blew my friends off..especially to those who’re close to me..it’s unfair for me to simply point out whom should get more attention,n whom should get less..friends are part n parcel of lives too..they can guide u like ur family do..since me n my family are separated by distance,friends are those who’re close to me..making friends is like making a "huge" decision in one’s life too..once again,u will need GUIDANCE..someone to guide u but not to manipulate u..it is such a boredom when ure always surrounded by all those "right" stuffs..life is full of variation..sumtimes it might fill with joyful n sumtimes it might hurt..but still it depends on us to make our own steps n not to regret after dat..if u cant run,u can walk..n if u cant walk,u may crawl..reach for the highest level n b someone to b proud of..give some trust n make sure dat we’re capable of handling our own life..

Juz finished my physics practical exam dis evening.There were only me and chubby(the only malaysian students)having exam at the evening since me and chubby’s name(fatin shabirah) started with the alphabet "F"..but it doesnt matter coz i still have friend to accompany me to gamaah(university)..what really matter me rite now is what was going on during me n chubby were in the lab jz now..the day before today,most of our friends had taken the exam but alhamdulillah,they managed to do well..they managed to get those "famous" experiments to be done at the lab..those like sonometer,lenses,refractive liquid lenses and etc,i would be the happiest person if i got those experiments..i didnt mean that i will absolutely score the exam but i really understand those experiments better than electricity or magnetics which are kinda annoying sometimes..me and chubby were told to take sheets from the left-hand side of the table coz they might be questions for optics and sounds..since last night we focus so much on optics and sounds but we didnt neglect electricity and magnetics too..when we entered the lab,two egyptian DR were waiting for us and asked us to choose either one of the sheets..we took the left hand side sheets as told..i was brought to the table according to the number of question..okay,the moment of truth revealed..ELECTRICITY????what the ….!!determination of resistance by using capacitor??how is the connection?what’s the theory?what will be the procedure since i couldnt remember how to connect them!!the only thing i remembered was to charge the capacitor and after that discharged it..but still,how to connect them??from a distance,i could see chubby was having trouble too since she had got the question with tangent galvanometer and the old-fashioned resistance box..whatever happens,i should give a try on it..i tried to connect each one of them by using the wire provided until i accidentally poked my finger with the wire until it bled.."no big deal eza as long as u manage to connect the circuit!"i continued connecting them but i failed when the micro ammeter didnt show any movement of the needle..ok,i started to give up..at the moment,i was thinking of my mum(its true when it comes to difficulty,i will always think of her..ya,because she’s the one willing to endure my ‘manja’ behaviour since i was small..)i shouldnt end up handing off my answer sheet blankly to the DR!then if thought of writing something on it,what should i write??fine,here comes the crying lady..i cried cause i didnt know what else i could do..the egyptian student beside me kept looking at me..shame on u,eza!u could done better than dis..suddenly one of the DR came to me and helped me out..he helped me so much..he even helped me to connect them..im so thankful to him..he helped chubby too..we were really dissapointed for not being good students..he never scolded us,in fact he said to us dat malaysian students will succeed..perhaps he was satisfied with our efforts..even though we didnt manage to perform well in this exam..im sorry mama,DR,i wasnt a good student..i even thought of giving up studying here..alhamdulillah after some conversation with my mum,ive gained my strength back..although it has caused me moody this whole night,no mood of studying too..but i promise myself to study harder..maybe the luck wasnt with us jz now,but insyaallah we will do better next time..cause once a looser,never always a looser…..

i start blogging again..perhaps the mood to study isnt there..with the freezing cold weather out there,i prefer lying on my bed,covering myself with my newly bought lihaf(blanket) since im having terrible flu since this morning..maybe i just cannot adapt myself with the weather here,kinda annoying sometimes..once again,i cant sleep while lina is sleeping with her embryology book beside her..poor lina,sleep tight k?i went home an hour earlier as our organic chemistry practical class ended early than we supposed to..we walk home everyday as it only takes about 20minutes to the faculty..i looked at my phone and the time showed 5.50pm(11.50pm in malaysia)..it soon going to be 20th November which is my mum’s birthday..i tried to call her directly from my cell phone but she didnt answer mine..perhaps she was asleep..i sent her sms and luckily she replied me..my mum is 46 today and i soon realized that time passes so fast that we’re unable to turn back the time..each one of us getting older each day and so do i..im 18 but just in a blink of an eye,im going to be 19..spending 5 more years here,im no longer a small child..no more "merajuk" session..no more teasing with my brothers..everyone will have their own lives..uve grown up eza!but still,no decission making can be carried out..maybe because i was being pampered by my family since i was small..teddy bears,chocolates are no longer my companion..but how should i face the world?im such an introvert..u may find out that i should have socialized more..but it’s really hard to express my own feeling to other people..i wish to put a new complexion in my own life..so that nobody will take advantage and look down on me..fine,there’s no turning back..im caught in the middle,trying to make a brute force on it to forward everything but life isnt that simple..human’s emotions is hardly predict..sometimes it can be filled with joy and happiness;the next is a totally 360 degrees rotation..whatever it is,i still remember this phrase from the best person ive ever met"when the world is spinning,face the world with smiling"..life wouldnt be that miserable rite??insyaallah..last but not least,happy birthday mama..may ur life fills with happiness..

I never thought of creating my own blog before..I do love reading them..Especially the blogs created by my brother(faizly)..not because im so lazy to create one,i just dont feel that i have so many things to share with all of u..But right now,i know that im unable to keep it any longer..Keeping myself silent for all this while really hurts me..Silence creates illusion,false perceptions and imiginations for the moment of the silence don’t silent the mind!Im sorry bb,ive taken this phrase from your blog but i really cant deny it..trying so hard to keep my eyes close,with the feeling of desolation..while the tears cant stop rolling down my cheeks..how could this happen to someone i love the most?i was consoled by my roomate when she said:"eza,semua ni ada hikmah di sebaliknya.eza kena tabah macam mama eza."thanks lina,wishing u good night as she is sleeping at this moment..im in despair..losing my hope..full of anguish..how i wish i could be beside her,spending all those precious time with her..be the defender for her..cause i can feel how agony and cruel this life could be..IF I COULD TURN BACK THE TIME!im sorry mama if ive hurt u before..i just want u to know that ure never alone,uve eza,bb and abg with u ma..we miss the smile on ur face ma..and if i were given a chance to make a wish right now,i rather be with u..even though that we are separated by a distance,we never be that far..cause i always have u in my heart..i promise myself that ill study hard and be the person to be proud of..ill be back ma..put all ur strength and be strong..we pray for u ma,we never let u feel alone..love u mama…